The Schizoaffective Coaster
by Brian Benson

 

What is going on inside this skull of mine?
why is it acting up again against my will?
my thoughts are scattering 360 degrees
my thoughts and feelings
are on a rollercoaster ride that I can't slow down

it is a rollercoaster ride
that is powered by unruly biochemicals
sent swiftly on an unknown course
for an unknown length of time
it is a ride with to much laughter,
crying,
humiliation, impulsivity and sadness
and when it is over, too much horror

as I look at the trail left behind
it feels like I am going crazy
when my skull sends me on this ride
How deep is the bottom of this self-contained damnation?
feeling is the problem too much, at which polar?

I daren't look in the mirror
it is her I will see
she is my mother
the ticket for the rollercoaster ride
I inherited from her.

Copyright 1998 Brian Benson.  All rights reserved